This post is written for anybody who may not be looking forward to spending Christmas on their own.
If you have experience of spending Christmas on your own and can offer any other tips or suggestions then it would be great if you could pass them on.
I have spent several Christmases on my own. The first time, I was not really looking forward to it. I was single, I’d just moved into my own flat and I had no close family to spend Christmas with. After the initial, realisation and sadness that I really was going to be on my own, I decided that I was going to get through the day and have as good a time as I could. I ended up having a really good day and choose to spend Christmas on my own for several years afterwards until I got married.
I think learning to be on my own at Christmas has actually made me more resourceful and self-reliant.
If you really don’t want to spend Christmas day on your own then you have several alternatives. You could go on holiday where there are lots of other single people. I spent one Christmas as a single person on a tiny island designed for backpackers and travellers off the coast of Fiji. I woke up at 5am on a wonderfully warm and sunny Christmas day, wandered down to the beach, sat on the sand and dipped my toes in the water. It was great fun, very beautiful and very spiritual. There were back-packers there aged from 17 to 70!
Or you could spend the day as a volunteer perhaps working with the homeless or with animals in shelters. Giving of your time and your energy can be very satisfying.
I think there is so much pressure and expectation to have a fun and jolly Christmas surrounded by a loving family that if you are on your own you can feel lonely and at odds with everyone else.
So, here are my tips to survive (and dare I say even enjoy) Christmas on your own:
1. De-clutter and clean up
Start now to have a good clean up and de-clutter. De-cluttering tends to have a therapeutic effect and makes you feel good. Getting into action also tends to help you to lift your mood.
2. Plan Your Christmas meals
Plan what you are going to eat and drink over the festive season, including breakfasts. If you will be spending Christmas Eve at home don’t forget to have something nice for that as well. If you don’t feel like cooking then you can always get ready meals. On my Christmas Day, I would have a lovely breakfast. Then I had a glass (or two) of Champagne while I cooked my dinner. You don’t have to cook traditional Christmas Food. This is your day, you can have whatever you want. If you are drinking alcohol though, please remember to eat something even if it’s just snacks so that you don’t just get drunk and morbid.
3. Buy Yourself A Present or Two!
Treat yourself to a present or two and wrap it up so you have something to open on Christmas Day. I always used to buy myself some cosy socks and new lingerie.
4. Plan what You Are Going To Do
Plan what you are going to do – watch TV, listen to music, play dvd’s or playstation games, or you can go online to chat with others on different forums, facebook or twitter. Or curl up with a good book. Do not watch sad films or listen to sad music! Find something to make you laugh.
5. Start the day off well
Open the blinds to let the light in. If it’s mild enough then open a window even just for a short time to freshen the room. Have a lovely bubble bath or shower, wear aftershave or perfume, makeup, and get dressed. I have spent the day in my jammies however I always have a lovely bubble bath beforehand, and do my hair and make-up before putting on my cosy socks.
6. Dance Like No One Is Watching!
Put on some up-beat music and dance like no-one is watching. Okay if you don’t like dancing then how about going out for a short walk? It will lift your mood and bring a rosy glow to your cheeks.
7. Don’t Assume Everyone Else Is Having A Better Time
It would be great if we all came from loving families who got on well with each other. The truth is for a lot of people being thrown together with people who at any other time of the year you wouldn’t normally hang out with can be very stressful. If your mind starts to wander off in this direction then make a list of everything good about being on your own from having control of the tv remote to eating what you want. You might well be having the best time of all!
I remember the first time I spent Christmas on my own I did feel a wave of sadness that I was on my own and I had a little cry. I found that I felt better afterwards and together with some loving self-talk I was able to move on and enjoy the rest of the day. This might sound strange but I do talk to myself on lots of occasions! It really does help. Bringing yourself back to the present moment by engaging in some activity can help to centre you.
8. Don’t Allow Other People To Feel Sorry For You!
I stopped telling some people that I would be on my own. While it’s lovely to be invited to spend Christmas with others sometimes well meaning friends expressed dismay that I would be spending Christmas on my own, assumed that I was going to be miserable and extended clumsy invitations. I appreciated the sentiment but while the first time took a bit of getting used to, after that I enjoyed and looked forward to having this time to myself. The truth is I would much rather spend Christmas on my own, in my own home, with my own things around me than be somewhere else where people perhaps invited me because they felt sorry for me. Of course, receiving a phone-call on the day to wish me Merry Christmas was always very welcome.
9. Create A Cosy Atmosphere
Later on in the day create a cosy atmosphere. Fairy lights can create a lovely warm and welcoming atmosphere along with lovely spicy scents. I used to get and decorate a Christmas Tree but if you are not into Christmas decorations then candles or a nice fire give off a lovely glow.
10. Things Change
You may have heard the phrase: This Too Shall Pass. You may be alone today but this could change. So take each Christmas Day as it comes. I started off not looking forward to spending Christmas on my own and ended up looking forward to having this time to myself. Very self-indulgent!
I will be around here on Christmas Day and I would really like to hear how your day is going or if you have any tips or suggestions for others. It would be really good to hear from you. 
Related article:
Useful Links:
Samaritans – for confidential, non judgement emotional support
Befrienders Worldwide – for emotional support for people in distress
Shelter – To volunteer in England
Shelter – the housing and homelessness charity
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Excellent article Janice.
Like you I made sure I had a couple of presents that I’d bought myself. I stocked up on veggie ready meals from M&S. I planned my television viewing and opened a bottle of wine.
I did have colleagues feeling sorry for me and inviting me round to theirs. However after the holidays I was the one that went back to work after having a fantastic stress free break.
Whatever you are doing for Christmas have a good one! xx
Hi Liz,
Good to hear your comments. This is it the beauty of spending Christmas on your own is that you can cook and eat what you want and have a wonderful stress free time.
The biggest hurdle I had to overcome when life changed and I had to spend the actual holidays alone was dealing with the raw sadness of missing my kids. But I learned that it all was only really a temporary twist of the calendar, and to give up preconceived notions of “how it’s done.” It was time to start new traditions.
Ironically, as I learned to get my own personal act together, I realized how many others were pondering my situation when their own worlds changed. Somehow, my overcoming gave me something to teach and help others.
It’s never a “fixed” personal attribute, then, but rather on ongoing learning process. And what hasn’t helped you learn, and grow, in the past needs to be replaced.
Hello again Heydave,
and thank you for sharing your experience for us. Missing your kids and going through such raw sadness must have been hard. I think your point about giving up preconceived notions of “how it’s done” is very helpful. I wish someone had said that to me that at the time! I certainly learned a lot about myself from being on my own…how and where I was resilient or wasn’t, how I made decisions…where I needed to get my own personal act together, what to let go of. Lots of learning and being compassionate towards myself in the process. Sounds like you have been a beacon of hope to others.
Being a travelholic, I’ve spent many a Christmas on my own…except that I’ve only been on my own if I wanted to be. I love travelling and have often gone abroad at Christmas, and have always found other travellers to be with if I wanted company. There have been barbecues in Australia, huge meals in Turkey with snow falling outside, delicious Moroccan meals in Marrakesh….so many good memories. I’m lucky in being very independent and OK with my own company, though. I’d recommend a foreign trip to anyone who is worried about being on their own at Christmas.
There is a lot of peer pressure on us at Christmas to conform to the stereptypical image of evryone playing happy families around a log fire. For many people, that just doesn’t reflect reality. For those who choose a quiet Christmas or Christmas on their own, they can escape all that stress and pressure. Remember, events only have the meaning that you choose to attach to them. If you choose to see Christmas on your own as a positive thing, then it will be!
Hi Maggie,
Great to hear your comments. I love what you say about events only have the meaning that you choose to attach to them.
Thank you for sharing with us.