janice robertson coaching » Fulfillment

5 Steps To Achieve Your New Year Resolutions

janice — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 14:50:16 +0000

This time last year, like many people, my mind started to wander about what I wanted to achieve for the coming year. The most important thing for me at the time was to lose weight and get fit and healthy.

As a life coach I felt that I really needed to walk my talk and also I wanted to go through the process of overcoming the challenges and obstacles along the way. I needed to understand so that my experience could help others.

The previous year I had given up smoking for good and felt great about my achievement and I decided to use the same techniques and tips to help me to lose weight. As a result I lost 28lbs in weight and have never been so fit in my life.

This article is not completely new. I first published it in 2005, however I thought it would be worth showing you again as there has been some new research recently which shows that people who stick to their New Year’s Resolutions mostly follow the following steps.

I recommend that you keep things simple and choose just one goal. Remember also that you have the whole year to achieve this goal so if you become sidetracked or let things slide don’t label yourself a failure or give up completely. Just gently get back on track.

Here are my top 5 tips to help you to overcome procrastination and keep your New Year Resolution

Step 1: What’s It Costing You?

The first step is to take a piece of paper and write down what it is costing you to avoid doing the task at hand. How does it make you feel? How does it affect you or others? How important is it for you to complete this task? Often people feel guilty, stressed and dissatisfied with themselves for being unproductive and this guilt and stress you feel about avoiding the task can far outweigh any fears or concerns you have about doing it.

Step 2: How will you Feel Once It’s Done?

It’s important here to really get a sense of how you will feel once the task is actually done. Sit for a while and really imagine that you have successfully completed your task. How great is that! What will it GIVE you to complete the job? Think about how will you benefit from achieving your goal? How will other people benefit? How will you feel? The trick here is to find some very compelling reasons why you should do the task at hand.

Step 3: Find a Motivation Partner

One way of helping you to make a start is to find yourself a partner who you can pair up with and who can help to motivate you into taking action. Share your overall goals then at the beginning of each week tell each other 3 actions that you will complete during the week. Then check in with each other at the end of the week.

Step 4: Break The Task Down Into Baby Steps

Sometimes the seeming enormity of the task can make us put off even starting. The trick here is to break it down into small baby steps and keep taking consistent action. For example: you may be procrastinating about organising your paperwork, in which case set a timer for 5 minutes and keep at it until the timer goes off. Have a quick break and then set the timer for another five minutes. Before long you will have completed your task. Or if you want to lose weight, then focus on losing a small amount each week rather than the overall amount say over a year.

Step: 5 Reward Yourself on Completion

Don’t miss out this step! Promise yourself a reward for completing the task at hand and the milestones along the way. Take time out to really celebrate your achievement. Choose something that will really make you happy. You could reward yourself by buying yourself something new to wear, take yourself out to dinner to your favourite restaurant, have a massage or beauty treatment. Rewarding yourself in this way will be a strong positive reinforcement to help you to overcome procrastination.

Do you have any methods, tips or techniques that you use to help you to achieve your goals?

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Related posts:

What Makes You Happy

Fulfillment – 3 Tips To Be Fully Alive

5 Tips To Stay Fit And Lose Weight

Alone At Christmas – 10 Tips to Survive (and even enjoy) Being Alone At Christmas

janice — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 18:00:04 +0000

This post is written for anybody who may not be looking forward to spending Christmas on their own.

If you have experience of spending Christmas on your own and can offer any other tips or suggestions then it would be great if you could pass them on.

I have spent several Christmases on my own. The first time, I was not really looking forward to it. I was single, I’d just moved into my own flat and I had no close family to spend Christmas with. After the initial, realisation and sadness that I really was going to be on my own, I decided that I was going to get through the day and have as good a time as I could. I ended up having a really good day and choose to spend Christmas on my own for several years afterwards until I got married.

I think learning to be on my own at Christmas has actually made me more resourceful and self-reliant.

If you really don’t want to spend Christmas day on your own then you have several alternatives. You could go on holiday where there are lots of other single people. I spent one Christmas as a single person on a tiny island designed for backpackers and travellers off the coast of Fiji. I woke up at 5am on a wonderfully warm and sunny Christmas day, wandered down to the beach, sat on the sand and dipped my toes in the water. It was great fun, very beautiful and very spiritual. There were back-packers there aged from 17 to 70!

Or you could spend the day as a volunteer perhaps working with the homeless or with animals in shelters. Giving of your time and your energy can be very satisfying.

I think there is so much pressure and expectation to have a fun and jolly Christmas surrounded by a loving family that if you are on your own you can feel lonely and at odds with everyone else.

So, here are my tips to survive (and dare I say even enjoy) Christmas on your own:

1. De-clutter and clean up

Start now to have a good clean up and de-clutter. De-cluttering tends to have a therapeutic effect and makes you feel good. Getting into action also tends to help you to lift your mood.

2. Plan Your Christmas meals

Plan what you are going to eat and drink over the festive season, including breakfasts. If you will be spending Christmas Eve at home don’t forget to have something nice for that as well. If you don’t feel like cooking then you can always get ready meals. On my Christmas Day, I would have a lovely breakfast. Then I had a glass (or two) of Champagne while I cooked my dinner. You don’t have to cook traditional Christmas Food. This is your day, you can have whatever you want. If you are drinking alcohol though, please remember to eat something even if it’s just snacks so that you don’t just get drunk and morbid.

3. Buy Yourself A Present or Two!

Treat yourself to a present or two and wrap it up so you have something to open on Christmas Day. I always used to buy myself some cosy socks and new lingerie.

4. Plan what You Are Going To Do

Plan what you are going to do – watch TV, listen to music, play dvd’s or playstation games, or you can go online to chat with others on different forums, facebook or twitter. Or curl up with a good book. Do not watch sad films or listen to sad music! Find something to make you laugh.

5. Start the day off well

Open the blinds to let the light in. If it’s mild enough then open a window even just for a short time to freshen the room. Have a lovely bubble bath or shower, wear aftershave or perfume, makeup, and get dressed. I have spent the day in my jammies however I always have a lovely bubble bath beforehand, and do my hair and make-up before putting on my cosy socks.

6. Dance Like No One Is Watching!

Put on some up-beat music and dance like no-one is watching. Okay if you don’t like dancing then how about going out for a short walk? It will lift your mood and bring a rosy glow to your cheeks.

7. Don’t Assume Everyone Else Is Having A Better Time

It would be great if we all came from loving families who got on well with each other. The truth is for a lot of people being thrown together with people who at any other time of the year you wouldn’t normally hang out with can be very stressful. If your mind starts to wander off in this direction then make a list of everything good about being on your own from having control of the tv remote to eating what you want. You might well be having the best time of all!

I remember the first time I spent Christmas on my own I did feel a wave of sadness that I was on my own and I had a little cry. I found that I felt better afterwards and together with some loving self-talk I was able to move on and enjoy the rest of the day. This might sound strange but I do talk to myself on lots of occasions! It really does help. Bringing yourself back to the present moment by engaging in some activity can help to centre you.

8. Don’t Allow Other People To Feel Sorry For You!

I stopped telling some people that I would be on my own. While it’s lovely to be invited to spend Christmas with others sometimes well meaning friends expressed dismay that I would be spending Christmas on my own, assumed that I was going to be miserable and extended clumsy invitations. I appreciated the sentiment but while the first time took a bit of getting used to, after that I enjoyed and looked forward to having this time to myself. The truth is I would much rather spend Christmas on my own, in my own home, with my own things around me than be somewhere else where people perhaps invited me because they felt sorry for me. Of course, receiving a phone-call on the day to wish me Merry Christmas was always very welcome.

9. Create A Cosy Atmosphere

Later on in the day create a cosy atmosphere. Fairy lights can create a lovely warm and welcoming atmosphere along with lovely spicy scents. I used to get and decorate a Christmas Tree but if you are not into Christmas decorations then candles or a nice fire give off a lovely glow.

10. Things Change

You may have heard the phrase: This Too Shall Pass. You may be alone today but this could change. So take each Christmas Day as it comes. I started off not looking forward to spending Christmas on my own and ended up looking forward to having this time to myself. Very self-indulgent!

I will be around here on Christmas Day and I would really like to hear how your day is going or if you have any tips or suggestions for others. It would be really good to hear from you.

4 Methods to Feel Happier

Useful Links:

Samaritans – for confidential, non judgement emotional support

Befrienders Worldwide – for emotional support for people in distress

Shelter – To volunteer in England

Shelter – the housing and homelessness charity

Fulfillment – 3 Tips To Be Fully Alive

janice — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:50:42 +0000

To me, the act of fulfillment is in the journey and the adventures we have along the way.

In the six years I have been coaching I have yet to have a client come to me and say “I want to be Fulfilled”. Yet I suspect, just as I discovered, that this is in fact what people are searching for. We want to feel truly alive, living in the now, dancing in the moment and to have purpose and meaning in our lives.

Being fulfilled is not the same as being happy or feeling good, rather, it’s more a case of fulfillment leading you to being happy. In essence being fullfilled is to be fully alive.

Here are 3 tips to help you to experience being fully alive and being fulfilled:

1. Be the Captain Of Your Own Ship

According to a study carried out by psychologists at the University of Missouri-Columbia,money and influence were the least reasons given for being happy. The psychologists interviewed 700 students in the U.S. and Korea about what were their most satisfying experiences and what they discovered was:

“Attaining popularity or money or influence and luxury is not what makes people the happiest and is at the bottom of the list of psychological needs”

At the top of the list of needs are:

autonomy
feeling that your activities are self-chosen and self-endorsed
being true to yourself

When we are self-directed and living our lives ‘on purpose’ we are fulfilled. We are contributing and making a difference in a way that brings us satisfaction. Getting clear about how you want to live your life, what impact you want to make and how you want to express your gifts and talents can be a powerful guide and driver toward what you really want from your life and work. It’s like you have made a conscious decision, you are at choice. It feels very powerful and exciting. People who are on purpose shine with an unmistakable light.

Living your life on purpose does not mean that you have to be self sacrificing. I believe that you will make more of a positive difference if you first of all think about what brings you joy. What activities do you enjoy doing? What are your interests?

What do you want to do that would bring you joy? What thrills you? What will it take for you to be fully alive?

2. Live By Your Values

Being fulfilled and living by your own personal values is considered to be a radical act. It is radical because not many people actually do this. Living by your values may mean that you rock the boat. You may experience some discomfort, if, as a result of a decision you make, other people are upset with you. You might decide to follow your heart’s desire and as a result you may not earn as much money as you used to. You might have to go through the stress and discomfort of learning something new in order to find a new job that you love. Yet doing what is right for you, living by our own values and not someone else’s will lead you to being fulfilled.

Here are some questions to help you to discover some of your values:

1. When were you so absorped that you didn’t notice the passing of time? What were you doing? How did you feel?

2. What could you not live without? And why? (examples of some values are: love, family life, money, fun, peace of mind, respect)

3. What are two things you must have at work in order to be happy? (examples of some values are: good salary? respect? recognition? personal achievement? ethical company? interesting activities? good training?)

It’s usual for people to have different sets of values, it’s what makes you as a person. Be true to yourself. You’ll be much happier if you do.

Once you get a good idea about what you value in your life you need to ask yourself if that value is being honoured in your life today. So if you had a strong value around say, ‘creativity’ and you had little creative input at work or in your personal life then ask yourself: “what will it take to bring that value alive for me?”

Our values are not set in stone and can change as we grow, so check in with yourself every now and again.

3. Don’t give up on your goals

Recent research shows that fulfillment and the resulting happiness can be achieved through struggle. According to new research published online in November 2009 in the Journal of Happiness Studies:

“People who work hard at improving a skill or ability, such as mastering a math problem or learning to drive, may experience stress in the moment, but experience greater happiness on a daily basis and longer term, the study suggests.”

Ryan Howell, assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University said: “People often give up their goals because they are stressful, but we found that there is benefit at the end of the day from learning to do something well. And what’s striking is that you don’t have to reach your goal to see the benefits to your happiness and well-being.”

Feeling that you are effective in your activities can bring about a sense of fulfillment.

Do you have any goals that you would like to revisit?